Sooo.... Your Worm Crawled Back?
One Word: STOMP

It‘s 4 am and the phone rings. It‘s your former abuser, we‘ll call him The Worm. Worm says he loves you, misses you, needs you back and will do anything. What do you do?

A. Ask him to come over and talk.
B. Tell him to call tomorrow to talk.
C. Laugh and hang up the phone.
D. Insult him, then hang up the phone.
E. Hang up the phone.
F. Anything between C and E.

But Why is The Worm Crawling Back? He Must Love Me, Right?

No, the answer is never because he loves you. Anyway, love to abusers is about control, not love at all. The Worm is single and misses having someone to trample on or he just misses having you specifically to trample on. Whatever the reason, surely you aren‘t particularly thrilled that when he thinks of someone to trample on you come to mind. If you take The Worm back he‘s going to be charming and wonderful at first and then start the abuse at an all new level of horrible when you get back together. Hook, line and sinker.

But don‘t feel bad if you took him back in the past. It doesn‘t make you weak or stupid. Most women take abusers back more than once. But see, you‘re determined to get away because you‘re reading this site, and that‘s a good sign. If you make yourself aware of exactly what‘s going on you aren‘t going to fall for his tricks. The reason he wants you back does not matter. I don‘t care if he has changed. (which is doubtful anyway) Because you only get so much time living and what should you do with that time? Find people who love you and treat you with respect and if someone has already stomped mudholes all over your heart and soul that person has already taken way too much of your time up as it is. 

Everyone deserves love, even the stinky Worm, but you don‘t have to sacrifice your sanity and happiness to give The Worm something he deserves just because he‘s human. (or his birth certificate says he‘s human anyway) You‘ve got to look after yourself and if you don‘t want to be mean to The Worm simply tell him, "I‘m sorry, but you‘re just not good for me and I cannot see you" and hang up the phone. Do not give him a chance to talk you out of your decision to stay away from him. Turn the ringer off. Better yet, change your number. 

Make the decision and stick with it.

I Know, You‘re Thinking...This is All Easy for You to Say Webmistress Lady....

And you‘re right. It is easy for me to say. After all, it is difficult to tell someone you still love "no" when you‘re alone and possibly lonely and I‘m not in love with your ex, but maybe you are. (or you think you‘re in love with him. When you get healthier you‘ll possibly discover you never were.) Maybe you haven‘t been having good luck in life and you‘d like a friend, but there is an answer other than taking back The Worm for momentary comfort. There are other resources available to you if you‘re lonely. There are ways to get through this.
 

Things to Do Other than Talk to or Think About The Worm

2- get new hobbies
You probably had some before The Worm came along and made you forget who you even are. Start writing stories, poetry or keeping a journal. Learn to play an instrument or start working out. Cook. Visit sick people. Volunteer in your neighborhood, but get busy. Do something!

3- learn how to recover
It‘s a great time to learn new things when you‘ve got time on your hands. You can always buy books on how to recover from relationships. Or just go to the library and pick a topic you know nothing about. But reading up on recovery is a great idea for someone fresh out of Hell. Come to Womansavers.com and TALK it out but do NOT let the WORM back.

4- treat yourself
Have you had a makeover lately? Get your hair cut. Buy some clothes. Or take a long bath. Do things that make you feel good when you‘re feeling lonely, and you‘ll feel better. Just take time to connect with yourself again. Take a walk. Watch birds in the morning. Go to the park. Just do something!